I Feel Ugly, So I Scrub and Primp

I skipped school today. The sheer amount of snow should have warranted a snow day, not to mention the below-freezing temperatures, or that fact that it had been snowing since 8:00 last night into 10:00 the next morning. Over 50 schools' days were canceled. But not our school! Rain or shine, hail or 7 inches of snow, 106 degrees or -10, we will have school! THE CHILDREN DESERVE TO LEARN.

Yeah right.

So no escuela pour mi. I'm glad I have a cool mom. Or at least, one who is too lazy to drive through the snow at 6:30 in the morning, and pick me up after my school's basketball game later that day.

I spent the day reading Les Miserables for a book report due in a week (I'm on page 300 out of 1200) and having a mini "spa day", DIY style.

Brown sugar scrub, an attempt at lightening my hair with a mixture of honey, olive oil, cinnamon, and water, multiple showers, etc. I had successfully ignored how ugly my acne makes me look, or the pouchy stomach  that accentuates my too-long torso, or how short my legs are, or my ever-growing waistband, or the fact that my thighs are not just touching, but getting into it full-on (every time I take a step, I feel like I'm intruding on them making love).

I successfully ignored all of these things that make sure that I will never model or act, unless I become a spokeswoman for Lane Bryant Junior or the teenage daughter of TV couple Mike and Molly.

I was so close.

Until.

I really looked into the mirror and realized something devastating.

My home made facials will NEVER make me prettier.

It won't really make my acne go away.

It won't reverse the fact that my skin and pimples are so oily, yet I flake every time I press a finger to my forehead.

It won't make my legs grow thinner or longer, like my beautiful friends, Brynne, Erin, Ellen, Alma, Mya.... Well pretty much all of my friends.

It won't make my hips shrink or my breasts enlarge.

It won't make any male become attracted to me what-so-ever.

And that realization forced me to reconcile with a fact that I had attempted to bury since I was 9, and got my first ever pimple, which, since then, has made sure that I have always had a minimum of 10 pimples, not including acne marks and blackheads.

Something that I tried not to notice when I was painfully aware that I hadn't had clear or smooth skin since the 4th grade.

That I...

was very, very

ugly.